The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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