youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
