well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Life is so much better after having sex.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
