dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
