Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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