How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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