I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
