Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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