I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
