i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
