3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
