He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
