Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
