Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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