Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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