I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
