not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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