i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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