Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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