Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
