Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
