I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
