just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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