He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize