I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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