She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
