I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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