I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
