Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
