Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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