speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
