The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
