This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
