im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
where are my eyebrows?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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