Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
