Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize