i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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