I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
