my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
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Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
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Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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