i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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