he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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