There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize