i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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