i already hear my dad disowning me
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
