There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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