Jerry, you need to find god
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
