who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
