you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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