I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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