dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
