he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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