nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
