Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
