You're earring is so big in my mouth
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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