All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
