no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
