I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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