Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
