I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
