Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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