Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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