it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
