i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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