I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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