I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You are a genius and a whore.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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