i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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