I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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