i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Randomize
