Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
