She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
